Becoming a Navy Wife is Easier Said Than Done
Things to Consider Before Marrying a Sailor
Jun 10, 2009
All sailors know that having a Navy career surely means time spent away from loved ones. They enter into enlistment contracts well aware of the sacrifices they will be expected to make. What happens, however, when you are not the one who signed up for service? Navy spouses are expected to make drastic compromises of their own in order to support their service members’ careers. Before marrying, potential spouses should consider whether they can live with the requirements and expectations of the military lifestyle.
Welcome to Married Single Life
Ask any Navy wife, and she will tell you that her role isn’t called “the toughest job in the Navy” for nothing. In fact, many seasoned wives lovingly welcome newlyweds to what they call “married single life.” It’s true; there is a lot of time spent alone. This can be an especially difficult adjustment for those who need constant companionship in order to feel close to their spouses. In addition, when children are added to the mix, things become even more difficult.
Navy spouses must accept lengthy and frequent times away from their loved ones without much contact. In order to successfully endure the time alone, they must remain independent and strong, being careful to tap into other support systems when help is needed. Before becoming a sailor’s spouse, a woman must consider if her personality type is conducive to living married, yet alone, much of the time.
Longer Sea Tours
Making things even more difficult, the Navy recently changed the Sea Shore Flow, causing some sailors to spend as much as five years at a time on sea duty before transferring to a shore tour. During sea duty onboard an aircraft carrier, for example, sailors can endure multiple long deployments which keep them away from home for seven months at a time or more. Further, there are many short work-up cruises taking place before a deployment occurs, which last from as little as a few days to as long as a few months.
In addition, when the ship is in port, sailors are expected to stand duty overnight about once a week, as well as standing full weekend “dog duty” every other month or so. The constant “in and out” cycle can wreak havoc on family life. Even when sailors are not deployed, they are rarely able to spend a full week of consecutive nights at home. After five years at a time of this inconsistency, many marriages crumble. Potential spouses should consider the impact this could have on their relationships and families before committing to marriage.
Your Own Career is Secondary
In addition to spending much of their time alone, Navy spouses must overcome many job related obstacles. Repeated moves make it difficult to achieve long term career goals. Often spouses are seen as “job hoppers” or short term employees, causing hiring managers to be reluctant to offer them positions.
In addition, the military lifestyle requires them to take frequent time off, as they are generally the only parent available to handle the demands of the family. Employers know that Navy spouses may not always be available for work when needed. Those considering marrying into the military must be able to handle career hardships such as these on a regular basis.
While being a military spouse can be a rewarding and fulfilling life, it is not for everyone. Before committing to a sailor, potential spouses must look inside to see if they are fit for the requirements and expectations the lifestyle entails. If they enter into marriage fully informed and aware of the difficulties however, Navy wives can be well prepared to handle the trials of the lifestyle with ease.
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