Enjoy Your Marriage More

Tips to Help Improve Relationships

Oct 9, 2008 Laura Block-Stewart

In order to enjoy a marriage, couples need to consider the following the tips in order to increase their overall satisfaction.

Divorce statistics are staggering in this country and it is often reported that 50 percent of marriages fail in the United States. With statistics like that, it isn’t a wonder why there are so many divorces. With these kinds of statistics, it is clear that marriages take work and if couples want to stay together, they have to focus on continually connecting and communicating to make it satisfying for both parties.

Ever look at some couples and wonder how they do it and why they are still happy after so many years? Here are some tips to help couples enjoy their marriage more and improve their relationship.

Stop the Negativity

After many years of marriage, it is very easy to become annoyed at some of the little things. Just living with someone for many years can make a person more focused on annoying habits, like leaving a toilet seat up or not cleaning up after oneself. Once irritants like this occur, other negative aspects begin to creep into the psyche and it is a downward cycle of negativity.

In the realm of life, these things just really aren't important. The first step to combat a negative cycle is to stop looking at what a spouse is doing wrong and start concentrating on what they are doing right. We have all heard it before, but focusing on the positive can really improve a person's mood as well as a relationship as a whole.

In addition, if time is spent with friends who constantly complain about their spouses, it is time to start looking for other friends who are more positive. Being around people who frequently focus on the negative aspects of marriage can breed cancer in your own marriage. It is important to have friends who appreciate their spouses and enjoy spending time with them. These are type of people that can help foster positive thinking about the marriage union.

Have Zero Expectations

Another step to take to improve a marriage is to have zero expectations of a spouse. Meaning, if a spouse expects flowers on the way home from work, dinner made, and romantic interludes all evening, he or she may be disappointed because it is impossible for one person to provide that all of the time. If a spouse does not have expectations, he or she may be more apt to appreciate what has been provided.

Also, when there are expectations, there is an assumption that the spouse knows what those expectations are. Spouses can’t read minds. Be sure to let a spouse know what you would like and when you least expect it, it might happen.

Plan Some Fun Together

It is easy to get caught up with every day life and forget about sharing fun time together. Couples can then become bitter because they are not enjoying pleasurable time with one another. Make sure to plan some time together doing activities that both parties enjoy and do it at least twice per month. Even if the budget is short this month, find activities that don’t cost anything and just enjoy the time together.

If short on ideas, pick up a book entitled Blue Prints for A Solid Marriage, written by Dr. Steve Stephens. He offers some great ideas about taking a date night each week and giving each spouse the opportunity to choose something fun that they haven't done before. He also has some great suggestions about spending time with other couples, being adventurous, and some other affordable fun.

Set Goals Together

All relationships whether work related or with family, need to something to look forward to. Sit down as a couple and discuss some of the goals that both people would like to obtain in the coming years. Look at five years out, 10 years out, 20 years out, etc and set some real attainable goals. If you write them down they are more apt to happen. Also, this planning can help with saving for some of the important activities you want to accomplish in life, another important step to make them happen.

Put a Smile On

When times are tough in a relationship, it is much easier to be angry and put up a wall. Sometimes this is the worst action a person can take in a relationship. Instead, consider smiling through it all and work together to figure out the problem. It could just be a phase. Also remember that if one spouse has a smile on, the other is more apt to put one on as well.

After following these suggestions, if couples continue to have serious problems, they should seek help from a marriage and family therapist who can help guide the couple to build a more solid foundation and a more positive atmosphere.

The copyright of the article Enjoy Your Marriage More in Marriage is owned by Laura Block-Stewart. Permission to republish Enjoy Your Marriage More in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.