Good In-Law Relations

What Real People do

Dec 23, 2006 Rhonda Langefeld

Advice from three in-laws on what they do to be a good in-law.

Amy, a new bride, is sensitive to the fact that her husband is the only child of a single mom. She knows that her mother-in-law is having a hard time adjusting to life alone after the marriage of her son.

So, Amy makes a point of including her mother-in-law as much as possible. Amy asks her opinion on things, even if Amy already knows what she plans to do. Amy also tries to communicate well and keeps her mother-in-law in the loop by telling her what is happening in their lives.

Bonnie spent most of her married life feeling like an in-law and never felt like an accepted member of her husband's family. She doesn't want her new sons-in-law to feel like that, so she makes a point of accepting them for who they are.

Bonnie also says, "We have always tried not to give advice unless they ask for it. Then we share our opinions. I also try not to question their decisions or nag them (like asking when am I going to be a grandma). And I treasure what they do share with me."

Cheryl also saw in-law pain--in the way her mother treated her sisters' husbands. She resolved to act differently when her sons married. "Whether I liked them [her sons' choice of spouses] or not, I planned to always be loving." One of her boys has married and Cheryl has a daughter-in-law she treasures. "She acts just like a daughter. She pitches in and helps and hangs out with us."

What advice does Cheryl give to new in-laws? "Remember the main thing you have in common: You both love the same person and you want that person to be happy."

The copyright of the article Good In-Law Relations in Marriage is owned by Rhonda Langefeld. Permission to republish Good In-Law Relations in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.