How to Be a Happily Married Couple

Help for Marriages Needing Intimacy, Communication & Connection

Sep 14, 2009

Happy couples have learned how to achieve a great connection, lasting intimacy and solid communication based on honesty, respect, appreciation and realistic expectations.

Some couples just seem perfect for each other. They get along well, have fun together, show love and respect for one another, and stay together for the long haul. However, a perfect image on the outside doesn't mean they don't have problems. Happy, loving couples just know how to navigate the rough waters that are inevitable in any long-term relationship.

Develop a Realistic View of Committed Relationships

Recognize that the crazy, heart-pounding infatuation couples experience when the romance is new won't last. A deeper, richer relationship will replace it as familiarity and intimacy grow. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be sun and roses all the time is unrealistic, and sets a couple up for disappointment.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill the hardiest of plants; this is also true for relationships! It's important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately, before they become deep hurts or resentments. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally, but the truth is that a good relationship, like any success in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

Put Effort Into the Relationship

"Quality time" is a phrase that's overused, but it's an important part of an intimate relationship. When couples make a point of being together, without kids, cell phones and other distractions, they are building a bond that will get them through life's rough spots. Just spend that time together doing a shared activity, not watching television.

Spend Time Together

Spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It's healthy to have some separate interests and activities, and an outside group of friends; this enables couples to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share their experiences. Missing a partner also helps remind couples how important they are to each other.

Make Room for Separateness

Typically, what was attractive about a mate in the beginning becomes the biggest source of irritation as the relationship progresses. Couples need to take a fresh look at these differences, and focus on their positive aspects; try to see them as charming or endearing rather than frustrating and annoying. Partners need to have a sense of humor as they appreciate the things that make them different from their mate. Chances are, these differences balance each other out and result in a couple that makes a great team!

Make the Most of Differences

If couples stop trying to change one another, chances are they will eliminate the source of most of their arguments. However, at the same time, each partner should shift the focus to giving the other partner more of what he wants, even if it doesn't come naturally. In other words, couples should turn their focus inward, and work on being the best partner they can be.

Don't Expect a Partner to Change

There will be issues that arise that cannot be agreed upon. Rather than expending energy arguing something to death, partners can make an agreement to disagree. Two people simply cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how couples choose to work through such issues; healthy couples do this through compromise, or by deciding that it's just not important enough to fight about.

Accept That Some Problems Can't be Solved

There will be issues that arise that cannot be agreed upon; rather than expending energy arguing something to death, a happy couple will make an agreement to disagree. Two people simply cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is whether or not they are able to compromise, or just decide that it's not important enough to fight about!

Communicate With Partner

Lack of communication is one of the main reasons good relationships fail. Here's an effective way to communicate with a partner, especially about touchy or "hot" subjects.

Be 100% Honest

Couples do not always like what the other has to say, but it's better than having partners doubt each other's honesty. Mistrust is one of the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship; once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to earn it back. This doesn't mean couples should say things like, "Wow, that dress makes your butt look huge!" or "Your teeth are disgusting." What it does mean is that partners need to be honest about their own feelings and behaviors.

Respect Each Other, and Don't Take One Another for Granted

Treating one's mate with respect and appreciation is likely to get the same in return. Partners who regularly remind each other how important they are to them can enrich the relationship in indescribable ways. When couples say, "I love you," they should pause for a moment to convey genuine sincerity, rather than dashing out a quick, "Love ya! Mean it!"

The copyright of the article How to Be a Happily Married Couple in Marriage is owned by Lori Nash. Permission to republish How to Be a Happily Married Couple in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.