Improving Marital Relationships
How 10 Minutes Each Day can Strengthen a Couple’s Marriage
Apr 25, 2009
In the United States, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Many marriages are strained because of worries and stress involving work, money and children. But there is a simple daily ritual that can help improve marital relationships.
Reconnecting Married Couples
Renowned family therapist Steve Biddulph explains that in the past, husbands and wives were together more of the time, allowing them to get into a rhythm together more easily. But these days, couples are away from each other for longer hours each day, making it harder for them to connect when they finally meet again in the evening.
“In fact, many couples positively clash all night, only starting to synchronize late in the evening, if they have any energy or motivation left!” he writes in his book entitled The Secret of Happy Children [HarperCollins Publishers, 1998]. The solution lies in spending just 10 minutes with each other without interruptions each day.
Here’s what married couples can do to help them reconnect and stay happily married.
Couple Meet in the Evening
As soon as both husband and wife are at home in the evening, make it a point to meet each other. Put everything – kids, dinner and household chores – aside and spend 10 minutes alone in each other’s company. Find a nice, cozy corner of the living room or at the kitchen table to relax.
Disallow Interruptions from Kids
These precious 10 minutes are for the parents alone only. So make sure the kids don’t try to score any attention from either parent. No, it’s not cruel to the kids. It’s crucial for parents to be happy with each other so that kids can be happy too. Let the kids play in one corner of the room if they can do so quietly. Otherwise, send them to their room. Ten minutes without their parents won’t leave any negative psychological impact on them!
Have a Light Snack together
The couple can re-energize themselves after a long day with a light snack. Cheese, fruits and nuts will be convenient, giving them instant energy and filling in the hungry gap before dinner. A single glass of beer or wine may be useful to help relieve tension.
Talk only about Good Things
Very often, some really quiet time alone together will bring back the warmth and romance. If there is a need to talk, talk only about good things. Don’t sit down and start complaining how bad the day has been or how messy the house is. Focus on positive things – the kids are doing well in sports, the neighbor is throwing a nice party for their newborn baby, there is a possible job promotion, etc.
Get on with the Evening’s Activities
After 10 minutes of complete peace, relaxation and re-energizing, both husband and wife will be ready to get on with the evening’s activities. The kids, left on their own 10 minutes earlier, can now claim the attention of one parent while the other prepares dinner. The end result is that everyone in the family will feel happier and more relaxed.
Couples who spend 10 minutes together alone each day reconnect with each other better, helping them to improve their marital relationships. The ritual is rather simple. Couples should meet each other in the evening, disallow interruptions from kids, have a light snack together, talk only about good things and then get on with the evening’s activities. There certainly is no harm in giving this a try.
Found this article useful? Read also Arguing Positively, Understanding Different Types of Husbands and Managing Conflicts in a Marriage.
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