A travel guide's basic advice to travelers can also help anyone marrying into a new family...or anyone welcoming new family members.
Years ago, my father spoke to a group of wives whose husbands had just been transferred overseas and were preparing to take their families with them. My father encouraged these families in their new foreign adventure--an adventure whose success depended on their attitude toward the culture in which they would soon be living.
Strangely enough, advice to travelers can also help anyone marrying into a new family...and anyone welcoming new family members. For example,
1. Get out and see the countryside.
- If you didn't grow up in the same town as your spouse, get to know where he or she lived. Get to know the places that are important to her family--the streets, parks, stores, schools, restaurants, libraries, and scenic routes. Why are these places special or important to them? Keep in mind that soon you will have memories of your own there.
2. Experience and enjoy the local cuisine.
- What are your new family's favorite foods? A sour cream raisin pie that Grandma always makes for birthdays? A potato salad with orange and rosemary? Why are these foods special? Be willing to try them all. Which ones can you honestly like?
3. Learn the native language.
- Long before Charlie Brown's little sister Sally started calling Linus Van Pelt her "sweet baboo," that phrase had been used by her parents and, perhaps even her grandparents. Every family has its phrases, its unique sayings. Where did the sayings come from? What do they mean?
4. Get interested in the people and their history and culture.
- Learn how their coffee table was rescued from a war zone. Listen to the stories of their immigration or of the years they have lived in their country. What is the story behind the picture hanging in their living room?
5. Leave your arrogance at home.
- People do things differently in a foreign culture. Differently--not wrongly. You will be getting to know people--people who make mistakes and have rough edges. You will be learning to love and appreciate people different than you. These people, quirky though they may be, produced the spouse you love. This person, quirky though he or she may be, happens to make your child deliriously happy.
And the final advice to travelers and in-laws? Have a great trip. And take lots of pictures.
The copyright of the article Mapping the In-Laws in Marriage is owned by Rhonda Langefeld. Permission to republish Mapping the In-Laws in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
