How to keep a marriage strong when a new baby comes along.
It is no secret that having children can bring strain to a marriage. A husband and wife know one another as lovers, as partners, as friends, and as spouses. Suddenly, they must take on the major life-roles of "mother" and "father".
A new baby or new child demands a great deal of attention, starting in pregnancy. As a woman's body changes, she becomes more and more aware of the life growing within her. Her attention can already become divided from her husband with sleepless nights, various thumps and bumps from the womb, and her own changing body.
After the new arrival, a new mother who has given birth must recover. In the meantime, a newborn demands a great deal of attention. Some babies are so demanding, it is literally a 24 hour a day job. New fathers can feel pushed aside by the new, intimate relationship that can exist between a mother and baby. Or sometimes, it is the father than bonds with baby strongly and leaves the wife feeling left out.
Even when there is already a good marriage, the very nature of caring for a baby easily brings strain to the relationship. New parents love their child, and rightly lavish affection on him. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the new parental roles.
However, the problem comes when "mommy" and "daddy" replaces "husband" and "wife". Even the best marriage will suffer if new parenthood replaces the spousal relationship. Feelings of resentment, frustration, and abandonment eventually creep in when new parents forget that before they were parents, they were friends and spouses.
- Keep Communication Open - Make time to talk to one another. Listen with a open heart, especially when your spouse expresses a need. Remember that sleepless nights and feeling overwhelmed by new parenthood can sometimes lead people to sound grouchy, whiney, or more frustrated than is true. Be patient with your spouse, and allow her to express her needs without judgment.
- Make Time - Babies demand a lot of time. This makes it more important than ever to create time only for one another. Have a romantic dinner at home, cuddle on the couch to watch a movie, share the day's news.
- Turn Off the Baby Channel - It is easy to look at a baby all day. Everything they do seems so miraculous. However, the "baby channel" can keep people from interacting with one another about anything other than the baby! Enjoy the baby; savor every precious moment. However, make sure there are times when the focus is on your spouse.
- Conversation No-No's - When spending time together alone, some things just ruin the mood. On a date, or when spending special time with a spouse at home, make it a point to not talk about your children. Or, if it simply must be done, set a time limit. Baby is a big part of the family now, but not of the marriage. The marriage is still only between two people - and there are some areas Baby should not encroach upon.
Marriage can be enhanced by the addition of a new family member. Balance is the key - enjoy and love the new child, but remember to set time apart for one another, too. A great marriage is the best foundation for a great family.
