Understanding what's behind a bad mood, and responding with sensible action is all in the day's life of a healthy marriage.
Moods. They range from slight changes in our mind's barometric pressure to full-blown storms of frustration or sadness. In a marriage, moods call for wise handling--on the part of the person with the mood and the spouse watching it.
Generally speaking, the spouse who is having the mood is the one responsible for it. The other spouse can ask, "Is there anything I can do?" and stay tuned for ways to offer love and support. Husbands and wives learn from experience and by communicating with each other, what is best for their spouse's moods.
Does your wife need some time alone to sort things out and be herself again? One of my daughters closes her door occasionally for what she calls "introvert relief moments." She needs alone time to recharge, restore, and equalize a mood.
Does your husband want to vent a little, talk things out with you, his trusted listener? Understanding and sympathy go a long way in dealing with moods.
Once I interviewed a policeman in Indiana whose wife was a state trooper. Both spouses were in highly stressful law enforcement jobs that statistically take a large toll on marriages. But they had a strategy.
The first half hour after they got home from work, they vented--sharing all the frustrations and events of their days. When the half hour was over, the rest of the evening was theirs as a couple and work pressures were left behind. They carefully kept the stresses of their work outside of their relationship to each other.
In our house, crabby moods surface most often when dirty dishes fill the kitchen sink. For some reason, when the dishes are cleaned up--even though nothing else has changed--the moods lift and people are happy again.
Is your spouse hungry? Does he just need to eat? Are you just tired? Do you need to take a nap? Write in a journal? Sort through a problem you are working on? Clean something? Go jogging? Dig in the garden? Get lost in a book for awhile?
Figure out what is causing your bad mood and do healthy things that help you break out of it. Then, be gracious and supportive when it is your spouse's turn to be in a bad mood.
For ideas on getting out of a bad mood, read the accompanying blog Breaking a Mood: Fun Things to Lift Your Spirits.
