Forgiveness is hard, but forgiveness is necessary for wholeness in ourselves, and for wholeness and happiness in our marriages.
A marriage that suffers from a lack of forgiveness may exhibit these ABC symptoms.
Anger. Unresolved issues often settle into a marriage as an undercurrent of anger. This can be the explosive type that lashes out at odd times, and seemingly for no logical reason. Or, anger can be acted out in quiet ways--like not setting a place for a spouse at dinner, purposely forgetting or ignoring things important to a spouse.
The warning sign of anger leads us to examine our marriages. Check for the root of it. When did the anger begin? Where did it come from? See if you can pinpoint the cause and apply forgiveness.
Bitterness. When anger goes on for too long, it calcifies into bitterness. Bitterness is the cold yuck in our soul when we think of the person who has wronged us. Bitterness makes us hard, callous, unable to be touched or moved. It breeds hatred and cynicism, a cynicism that spreads to our other relationships.
Stop and look at yourself. Do you want to be the kind of person that bitterness is turning you into? Forgiveness gives you the choice to go down a different path. A healthier path.
Criticism. Are you overly criticial of your spouse? Are you the one at the dinner party that enjoys regaling your weary listeners with a list of your spouse's faults? You probably have not forgiven him or her for something.
That "something" may be a big thing, or just a group of little things that spring up when two faulty people share the same life. What do you always criticize your spouse for? Can you forgive them for it instead? Make a list of things that you can like or appreciate about your spouse to aid the work of forgiveness.
When anger, bitterness, and criticism fill our marriages, forgiveness is the powerful tool that can free us from resentment and bring us relief.
