Problems in Arranged Marriages

The Negative Aspects of Letting Your Parents Decide Who to Marry

Aug 31, 2009

The custom of arranging marriages is still practiced in many African countries and in India. What are the drawbacks and demerits of having an assisted marriage?

Having an arranged marriage may be very convenient and beneficial in many respects, but it can also have its problems. Here are some of the negative sides of prearranged marriages.

Forced or Arranged Marriage?

Arranged marriages may be regarded as coercion if young people are forced into a marriage they don’t want. If either bride or groom are being made to marry without their consent, this has to be regarded as a violation of the fundamental human right of self-determination and personal freedom.

Although an arranged marriage is by definition different from a forced marriage, some degree of compulsion or persuasion is often used. Parents may have several ways of pushing their agenda, for example by threatening to disinherit a disobedient child or simply by openly displaying animosity or anger. As far as India is concerned, however, the young people’s right to veto the suggestions or decision of their parents has become more and more common.

Being Married to Someone One Doesn’t Like

One grave important drawback of arranged marriages is of course the possibility of being married to someone one partner doesn’t like or – even worse – find personally repulsive. But this applies only to those forms of arranged marriages where force or strong persuasion is used and young people have no right to veto. Besides, love and affection may take some time to sprout in the heart. On the other hand, even people in love marriages may develop strong feelings of dislike or even repulsion for someone they once chose freely and out of strong affection.

The Negative Social Implications of Arranged Matrimony

Arranged marriage has many social implications, some of them positive and some negative. For example, prearranging a marriage may simply be a way of conserving one’s social status or staying within the narrow boundaries of one’s own race, religion or language. Thus, it may contribute to backwardness, injustice and prejudice and be an obstacle to social change, tolerance, understanding and equality.

When young people are made to marry only within their own religion, caste, social status or economic class, society as a whole stays homogenous but also remains static and intolerant. Another problematic aspect is the misuse of dowries which are customary in India. Among other things, this causes great difficulties for orphans and girls from poor families to find a partner at all.

Arranged Marriage and Romantic Love

Passion and romance don’t usually play a big role in arranged marriages in the beginning. And although affection and love often develops with time, there is also a real danger that partners in an arranged marriage may not get emotionally close at all. Besides, having had no previous sexual encounter, husband and wife may not find each other sexually attractive or compatible. Some prearranged marriages may become businesslike without a real place for romance and passion. When the natural desire for romance is denied, it has to be lived out in fantasy, as it is the case in countless Bollywood movies centered around romance and passionate love.

Another problematic issue is the role of women in arranged marriages. Many previously independent women may find themselves virtually imprisoned after marriage. However, this may not be a question of free choice or arranged marriage but rather of the role of women in society in general.

No Relationship is Perfect

Although parents are more experienced and may therefore be better able to pick a suitable spouse for their child, arranged marriage remains as good or bad as the people arranging it. However, the same holds true for free choice marriage or so called love marriages. There simply is no perfect partner and no perfect marriage! Marriage remains work, regardless of whether it has been arranged or chosen freely.

The copyright of the article Problems in Arranged Marriages in Marriage is owned by Martin Bohn. Permission to republish Problems in Arranged Marriages in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.