Saving a Marriage after Infidelity

How to Repair a Relationship Damaged by an Extra-Marital Affair

Aug 14, 2008

Few things damage a relationship to the extent that marital unfaithfulness does. When an affair occurs, the marriage doesn't always have to end in divorce court.

Can a marriage be saved once one partner has been unfaithful? In many cases the answer is yes, but only if both spouses are equally committed to repairing the relationship. If the commitment is not equally shared on both sides, it is likely -- if not inevitable -- that the marriage will fail.

Ending the Affair is the First Step

The first thing that must be done before all else is put an end to the affair. If the cheating spouse refuses to stop seeing the other person, no amount of work will repair the marital relationship.

Seek Counseling for the Entire Family

This step is vital. Infidelity is a painful and traumatic experience for the entire family. The spouse who has been cheated on will need to process anger and grief. Also, consider the children. They, too, are affected by problems in their parents’ marriage. Kids often know more than adults think they do. It can be difficult for them to process their thoughts and feelings- counseling can help.

If the marriage is to be saved, it is imperative that the unfaithful spouse obtain counseling. An affair rarely just happens. Usually, there are underlying problems in the marriage that need to be addressed, by both the husband and the wife. Counseling -- both individual and joint -- needs to take place for any repair work to be successful.

Allow Time to Heal

Allow adequate time to heal from infidelity. Going through the grieving process will not happen overnight. The marriage will not be “normal” again for quite some time -- if ever. Expect set backs and times of difficulty as the marriage recovers from the affair.

Forgiving the Affair is an Important Step

A husband or wife who has experienced infidelity will need to eventually forgive the cheating spouse, but should remain realistic. While forgiveness is necessary in order to move past the infidelity, and bring healing to the marriage, trust takes time. Don’t feel guilty for being able to forgive, but not able to forget. Being able to forget may never come, but it is still possible to move on.

Don’t Place the Children in the Middle of Marriage Problems

Don’t put the children in the middle of marital woes. Work to keep as much from them as possible. Regardless of what one spouse has done to the other, an already troubled marriage will suffer all the more if the kids are allowed to see the pain of one parent, and the “sin” of the other. Equally important- never use a child to play spy on the other spouse. Children need to feel free to love both parents without any strings attached.

Keep the Marriage Fresh

Predictable routines are nice, but spice things up now and then with intimate date nights and weekend get-a-ways. It is also important for each partner to take the time to be interested in what the other finds enjoyable. Work to find ways to keep the marriage fresh and exciting.

The Marriage Can be Saved

Martial infidelity does not always spell out divorce. When both partners are equally devoted to repairing the relationship, with counseling, dedication, and hard work, it is possible for the marriage to be saved.

The copyright of the article Saving a Marriage after Infidelity in Marriage is owned by Crystal Killion. Permission to republish Saving a Marriage after Infidelity in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.