Redbook's Secrets to a Happy Marriage
Learn and Follow the Seven Steps to Make a Marriage Last
Feb 11, 2009
A happy marriage is built using several steps that will move each person toward creating a unified front together, according to Marjorie Ingall in Redbook’s September 2008 article, “The Seven Steps to Happily Ever After.” Some couples may need to repeat certain steps in order to get them right and some may need to be repeated as the couple continues to grow, Ingall says.
Share a Dream With a Partner
One of the keys to a successful and lasting marriage is to share a dream. “The best partners never lose sight of the fact that they’re working together to achieve the same big dreams,” Ingall says. Working together toward a goal creates the sense of being a team and that makes it more likely that the couple will actually attain the goal or dream.
Build a Sexual Connection
Married couples may find it hard to keep the same fire in their relationship that was there when the relationship was new. But Ingall argues finding a sexual connection is critical for a healthy emotional connection. “You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other,” Redbook Love Network expert Jane Greer told Ingall. By focusing on their passion for each other, married couples can build a sexual connection that will stand the tests of time.
Create a New Family
One of the challenges after marriage, Ingall says, is making the shift to creating a new family with a spouse. Some partners may signal this transition by no longer airing arguments with a spouse as a sign of respect for her husband. Others may make their partner’s needs a priority. “You have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you,” Ingall says.
Fight Fair in Marriage
Learning how to fight and how to ease tensions are key to creating a lasting marriage. “It means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other’s perspective,” Ingall says. Instead of fighting to destroy each other, married couples need to know how to discuss tough issues and ways to lighten the mood when necessary.
Balance Time Together and Apart
Every couple will need to find the perfect balance of time together and time apart for their relationship. “With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered,” Ingall says. Time together helps to build a strong bond and time apart helps to keep the relationship interesting. As relationships grow and change, the balance may need to be adjusted.
Create a Lasting Friendship
Building a friendship with a spouse can help create a lasting marriage. “When you’re true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is,” Greer says. There is a trust and confidence that comes from knowing a partner intimately and a familiarity with each other is created, Ingall says.
Overcome a Challenge Together
Part of making a marriage last is making it through tough times. “You never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested,” Ingall says. Making it through a job loss, health crisis or other serious situation together will prove the relationship is solid. Ingall says couples who make it through a challenge together may find their relationship is stronger than ever, based on the knowledge that they can weather a storm.
In order to create a lasting and happy marriage, married couples need to focus on building a life and family together, based on shared dreams, friendship and sexual connection. Learning to fight fair, balance time together and apart and overcoming challenges can build a marriage that lasts.
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