Should You Change Your Last Name?

Taking Your Husband's Name, Keeping Your Maiden Name, or Hyphenating

May 3, 2007 Naomi Rockler-Gladen

When our grandmothers got married, they didn't think twice about taking their husbands' last names. Today, there are more options. Which one is right for you?

Should you change your name when you get married? Here are advantages to the different last name options.

1) Woman Takes Her Husband’s Name

• It’s the most socially acceptable option. A woman who changes her name wont be expected to explain her choice.
• It’s the easiest bureaucratic option. Couples with different last names may encounter problems with insurance, voting records, and so forth.
• Naming the kids is easier. Married couples with different last names have to choose both a first name and a last name for their child.
• Family cohesion. Some couples feel that having the same name is an important part of feeling like a family unit.

2) Women and Man Both Keep Their Names

• Feminist concerns. Women who choose to keep their names often do so because they feel names are an important part of one’s identity.
• Changing your name is a pain. You have to change your Social Security card, driver’s license, passport, credit cards, etc.
• Career concerns. Since many women are getting married at later ages, they have established themselves under their existing name and do not want to change it.
• Easier than hyphenating. People with hyphenated names confuse the bureaucracy and have to do annoying things like spell their name over the phone multiple times.
• Attachment to a name. Some women just plain like their last names and don’t want to give them up.
• It’s not as hard as it used to be. It’s become common enough for a woman to keep her name that many bureaucrats have figured it out.
• If you get divorced, you don’t have to change your name back. Nobody wants to think about this, of course, but keeping your name can be easier if things don’t work out.

3) The Hyphenated Name

• Compromise. If you want to balance the traditional and the nontraditional, this can be a good way to do it.
• Both partners can hyphenate. If you want to have the same last name but neither of you want to get rid of yours, a mutual hyphenated name may be the answer.
• It’s not as hard as it used to be. Yes, having a hyphenated name can be a pain, but it’s common enough that people are getting used to the idea.

4) Woman Adds on Her Husband’s Last Name

• Compromise. This is another way to combine the traditional and nontraditional.
• Easier than hyphenation. You may still have some bureaucratic hassles, but fewer.
• Honoring your family. This way, you preserve your family name while still taking your husband’s.
• Career concerns. If your name used to be Heather Smith, business associates might not know your new name is Heather Johnson. However, if you’re Heather Smith Johnson, there will be much less confusion.

5) Woman Changes Name, Uses Maiden Name Professionally

• Best of both worlds. In a way, you get to both keep your name and change it.
• Less confusion at work. If if you’ve established yourself under your maiden name, overall this can be much easier.

6) Couple Creates a New Name

• Design your own name. This way, you get to make a name is meaningful to you or just sounds pleasing.
• Perhaps the least patriarchal option. If a woman keeps her name, she still has her father’s name, right? Creating a new name is one way to break free of the man-passes-down-his-name tradition.

7) Man Takes the Woman’s Name

• Nonconformity, but with the benefits of having just one name. This way, you can buck the system, but still have the convenience of having one non-hyphenated name.
• Family cohesion. For couples who feel more like a unit if they have the same last name, this is a nontraditional way to accomplish this.
• A way for a man to honor his wife. Women have been doing this for eons. Now men can too.

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The copyright of the article Should You Change Your Last Name? in Marriage is owned by Naomi Rockler-Gladen. Permission to republish Should You Change Your Last Name? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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Comments

May 16, 2008 8:13 AM

Guest :

On #1, Woman Takes Her Husband’s Name, I have a comment. You say that, "A woman who changes her name wont be expected to explain her choice." In some places, this is exactly the opposite. Also, some bureaucratic aspects are easier. For instances, prior employment and education will always be under the old name. Keeping the same name means I never have to explain that I used to work at Acme, but my references know me under a different name.

Apr 30, 2009 11:45 AM

Guest :

Here is an article giving rebuttals to many of the arguments people give FOR women changing their surnames.
http://keepyoursurname.livejournal.com/

Aug 7, 2009 9:24 AM

Guest :

I agree with the first poster. I'm taking my fiance's name when we get married and have to explain my choice to EVERYONE. It is very much bucking social norms to take his name in my circle.

3 Comments