Leaving relationships rather than staying and overcoming challenges is tempting. Staying in the relationship does not evoke the same excitement, drama, or attention as a nasty break-up. One is often left wondering if some friends and family would prefer the tragic stories of emotional turmoil than reconciliation.
Rewards of Achieving a Fulfilling Relationship
A consideration of staying in a difficult relationship is its effect on the children. Children gain security, confidence, and a sense of morality from their parents. If kids feel that their parents are on the verge of abandoning them by divorce or separation, they lose that security and confidence.
Furthermore, if one of their parents is constantly criticizing the other, children may internalize this criticism and develop internal conflicts. To prevent any further emotional damage, the adults need to change their attitudes toward one another and stop the name-calling, the bickering, and only finding the faults in one another.
Partners should take responsibility in meeting the needs of the relationship and the family. For example, one may have to find an extra part-time job until that business venture materializes. With work, patience, and sacrifice, a happier, healthier relationship and an environment in which children can thrive can be achieved.
In addition, the financial and emotional benefits of a partnership are much greater than going it alone. In the Institute of American Values October, 2005 report, "The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans: A Comprehensive Literature Review", Lorraine Blackman and colleagues assert that those in marriages are on average happier and more satisfied. Relationships provide important safety nets and support.
Of course, one of the most common reasons given for staying with someone is love. A couple’s history is deeply etched into the heart and is not easily cast aside, even when it includes hefty baggage. If love is still present, there is hope for the relationship.
Compromising Safety in an Abusive Relationship
In contrast, abuse is one issue that cannot be easily overlooked and overcome. Dr. Susan Weitzman, in her book, Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages [Perseus, 2001] says, “…a woman cannot and should not remain in a marriage when her own and her children’s safety is at stake.”
This is important for children’s safety since they are much more likely to be abused when they live in a household with domestic violence. Children may also become abusers and victims of abuse when exposed to domestic violence. When abuse is at issue, leaving is likely the only viable option.
Staying in a relationship can be the braver, more challenging path. However, the reward of a happier, healthier relationship is often inspiring enough to energize any couple in crisis. The journey together can end in something much deeper and more fulfilling than imagined.
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