Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book The Five Love Languages [Northfield Publishing, 1995], identifies five different ways in which people communicate their love to one another. When you understand and know each other’s love language, you can effectively communicate your affection in such a way that your partner feels love.
Words of Affirmation as a Love Language
One of the basic five love languages is words of affirmation, a verbal and/or written expression of love and appreciation. Sincere and simple statements such as “You look stunning in that dress” or “I love the way you teach the kids right from wrong” or “You must be the best dad in the world!” are powerful ways to let someone know he/she is loved.
How often do you say similar words to your partner? To affirm is to confirm truth and strengthen it. Thus affirming your partner verifies and reinforces your love. Uttering those kinds of words strengthens the being and the spirit, and like the other love languages, if you don’t do it often enough the result will be a vacuum, a feeling of not being loved.
So why do people not do enough of it? Some may see any achievement to be the norm or their love to be obvious, thus there is nothing to crow about or no need to repeat it. At the same time they deem it important to censure any shortcoming. Shifting these attitudes, they may come to see that positive words as one of the easiest and simplest ways of furthering love and success.
The Impact of Words on Water
Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese researcher, lecturer and author studies the significance of words and their impact on water crystals. The research that culminated in his book The Miracle of Water [Atria Books, March 2007] shows that while water exposed to beautiful (positive) words forms strong, beautiful and well structured crystals, those exposed to ugly (negative) words result in brittle, ugly and malformed crystals.
The implications are that since over 70% of the human body is composed of water, the words and messages frequently used impacts on a person’s physical, mental and emotional health. Dr Emoto makes a case that words are vibrations and when the human body – mostly made up of water – is exposed to good words, people cannot help but experience health and well-being.
Types of Affirmation
Affirmation can come in different forms: appreciation, encouragement, acknowledgment and compliment. The easiest and most common way to pronounce your appreciation is to say “thank you”. Those two magical words immediately make the hearer feel valued and noticed.
In moments of insecurity or doubt, offer encouragement to develop confidence and give reassurance. A simple “I understand you are going through a difficult period, but I trust you will pull through. And I want you to know I am 100% behind you in this” inspires belief and certainty.
To acknowledge is to recognise. Recognising a person’s presence, work or state can be as easy as “I see you have cut your hair” or “I notice you have been feeling rather down lately” and yet it is an excellent way of saying “I know and I care”.
Everyone likes some attention every now and then and a compliment is the perfect way of giving that. A sincere compliment can be offered in private or in the presence of others. Speaking to friends and family in glowing terms about your partner is a wonderful way to make him or her feel good.
Whichever form of affirmation you use, remember that it is important to make it a consistent habit. If your mate resonates with this love language, regular words of affirmation bring happiness and security to the relationship. It is an effective way to improve one’s emotional health and to show gratitude and appreciation.
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