How to deal with the normal stresses of re-entry.
Re-entry. The day the "missing you" stops. The day you see each other again. Why isn't that day filled with loving warmth? Why does it fail to live up to its expectations?
- Because spouses come home from the road exhausted, crabby, and feeling out of sync with the rest of the household--sometimes bringing their work stresses with them.
- Because the home spouse may be exhausted from being the "single" parent and may want to turn everything over to the road parent the second he or she walks in the door.
- Because you each have been soloing in the daily things of life and need to remember how to act as a team.
- Because lapses in communication and different experiences can easily make you feel alien to each other.
- Because separation challenges emotional communication more than mental communication, and emotions may be stored up, needing to be shared.
- Because you have each changed a little while you were apart, and there's some catching up to do.
All of this is normal. But failing to recognize or plan for the stresses of re-entry, makes them worse. Below are tactics that seasoned couples use to strengthen their marriage on re-entry. Which of these would make things go more smoothly for you?
- Plan to focus completely on your spouse (and children) when you greet each other after a long absence. Set aside any work or home pressures and just focus.
- Plan some time alone with your spouse as soon as possible after re-entry. Perhaps a breakfast date the morning after every trip.
- Don't schedule anything that isn't vital, the first day of re-entry. Allow time to get used to each other again.
- Save any emotionally intricate topics until both of you are well-rested.
- Plan a regular date time for just the two of you. Commit to it.
- Express your love for each other frequently and sincerely. Your spouse will need the memory of that love when you are apart.
- Mix the togetherness with some breathing room. All intimate relationships are made up of cycles of togetherness and separation. Forced separations throw off these rhythms, building up such a need to be together that, once back together, the togetherness can be overdone until it is claustrophobic. Be sensitive to what feels right in your own marriage.
Remember: Planning for the stresses of re-entry is the best welcome-home gift you can give each other-- besides the gift of yourself.
The copyright of the article The Traveling Spouse Comes Home in Marriage is owned by Rhonda Langefeld. Permission to republish The Traveling Spouse Comes Home in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
