Understanding Different Types of Husbands
How Women can Manage Lazy Spouses Based on their Personalities
Apr 26, 2009
When it comes to household chores and parenting, many men tend to shy away from their duties. They come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid domestic work. Women can try to manage their husbands’ uninvolved attitudes by understanding their personalities.
Clinical psychologist and author of The Lazy Husband [Piaktus, 2005] Dr. Joshua Coleman, has identified different types of husbands and shared his thoughts on managing these lazy spouses.
The Boy Husband
The boy husband is generally needy, dependent on his wife and has no concept of what adult responsibilities mean. He probably needs his wife to wake him up in the morning, fix his breakfast, pay his bills and balance the household checkbooks. He really is like another child in the family.
To make the boy husband more competent around the house, the wife should stop supporting his behavior. Coleman suggests that the wife use non-judgmental language to let her husband know of the change about to take place. Expect some resistance but be firm about getting him to take over some household tasks.
However, Coleman also cautions against expecting the boy husband to change overnight. “If taking on these responsibilities is something he’s never done, he may truly feel terrified, confused and overwhelmed by the prospect of adding these new behaviors to his regimen,” he adds. So it’s important to give some guidance and let him take over gradually.
The Angry Husband
The angry husband often uses his bigger size, loud voice or harsh tone to intimidate his wife when she tries to get him to help with domestic chores. In short, he escapes work by bullying her. The wife will need to stand up for herself and refuse to be bullied if she wants to see some changes.
Keep having discussions about getting him to be more involved in household chores and parenting duties. If he shouts, calmly tell him to lower his voice and speak in a more respectful tone. The angry husband will probably try to shut the wife down with his old tactics. But if the wife perseveres or even lets the discussions escalate into a big shouting match, the husband may soon get the idea that his old style isn’t working anymore.
However, if the angry husband is also a physically abusive spouse, the above strategy will not be appropriate. The wife will need to seek help from shelters or call domestic violence hotlines.
The Worried Husband
The worried husband is constantly worried about things around him. He is probably reluctant to take on more household chores and parenting duties because of the fear that he may mess things up. But this also means the wife ends up doing the lion’s share of housework.
The solution is to show the worried husband that his behavior is irrational but avoid criticizing him. The wife can express her concern over his tendency to worry and let him know it’s okay if he does something not exactly the right way so long as he is prepared to give it a try.
Different types of husbands avoid housework in different ways. The boy husband, the angry husband and the worried husband all have their own personalities. By understanding these personalities, wives can gradually change their uninvolved attitudes regarding household chores and parenting duties.
Found this article useful? Read also Sharing Household Chores with Men, Common Excuses Men Use to Avoid Housework and Improving Marital Relationships.
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