What to Expect in Marriage Counseling

Counseling Services Increase Happiness For Couples

Nov 7, 2009

The purpose of marriage counseling is to identify both the strengths and the challenges in a relationship, then come up with an action plan to enhance it.

Sometimes, even couples in love can get off track. The stress of work, kids, bills and day-to-day life can cause conflict and disconnection, and can leave partners feeling lonely in the relationship. In such situations, professional advice and coaching from a couple's therapist can help.

Marriage and family therapists (MFT's) receive intensive, specialized training that focuses on the issues facing couples today, including:

They are trained to view the relationship as the client, and do not take sides or value one person's perspective more than the other's, although they do point out when one partner's behavior is likely harming the relationship.

Couples frequently come into counseling thinking that the therapist will "fix" their partner. Again, the therapist's job is to remain neutral, hear both sides of the issues, and help each person identify his or her own role in the problem.

Also, sometimes a counselor is just not a good fit with a couple. Some people prefer counselors that share their religious views; some seek out Christian counseling, for example. The match between the therapist and the couple is extremely important. So if one or both partners aren't comfortable with the therapist, seek out another that both partners feel at ease with (most counselors will provide a free initial session to see if there's a good fit).

What is the Goal of Marriage Therapy?

Simply put, the purpose of couple's therapy is to assist couples in achieving a better level of functioning, satisfaction and happiness in the relationship. The couple doesn't have to be having problems, but often, couples don't seek out counseling until the relationship is experiencing some sort of distress. The root of this distress can be poor communication skills, repeated conflict, hurt feelings, addiction, depression, a decrease in trust, or any of a host of other factors.

First, the counselor will spend some time getting each person's perspective of the strengths and difficulties in the relationship. He might spend time with each person individually, learning a bit about his history and what he learned about relationships from his parents and family of origin.

The couple should expect to be asked questions that are designed to get them to think about issues and problems in a different way. This is often necessary, as they can get so caught up in their issue that they can't even begin to see the heart of the problem.

The couple will usually be given relationship "tools" to help them function in a way that increases feelings of safety and intimacy in the relationship. Some therapists give "homework" or exercises for partners to practice these new relationship tools and skills.

Marriage and Family Counselors Facilitate the Development of Empathy

The marriage counselor will work with the couple to help them see the issue or problem from the perspective of the other. This is an important relational skill known as empathy.

When a partner has empathy for the other, it does not mean that she gives in or agrees with his side; she simply recognizes and affirms what it must be like for him to view the situation as he does. This works to create understanding between the partners, and increases intimacy in the relationship.

The Rules of Couple's Counseling

As in any counseling situation, couple's therapy is based on complete confidentiality. What is said during a counseling session is entirely private; the therapist is legally required to protect each individual's privacy. Written permission from the client or patient is necessary in order for the counselor speak with anyone about his even being seen for counseling.

There are three situations where a counselor is legally required to break the confidentiality agreement. These situations are:

Any other situation is locked tight between the couple and the marriage counselor within the safe "container" of the counseling session.

Marriage Counseling Can Enhance Satisfaction in All Areas of Life

Feeling understood by one's partner strengthens the bond of the relationship and helps each person move through his or her life with greater peace and ease. Couples who take advantage of the assistance, advice and coaching that a couple's therapist can provide report greater satisfaction in all areas of life – work productivity, co-worker relationships, community involvement, social life, and overall health and well-being.

The copyright of the article What to Expect in Marriage Counseling in Marriage is owned by Lori Nash. Permission to republish What to Expect in Marriage Counseling in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.