Anyone interested in marriage should familiarize him or herself with the work of Dr. John M. Gottman. Gottman is best known for his groundbreaking scientific research into the workings of happy and failing marriages. A former mathematician, Gottman put his ability to quantify things to use while he studied thousands of couples from all walks of life.
By interviewing couples, monitoring their vital signs and reviewing thousands of videotaped interactions of couples' daily lives, Gottman was able to identify and quantify with scientific accuracy, specific behaviors that were present or absent in those couples who divorced vs. those couples who stayed together happily.
Dr. John M. Gottman's Books
According to Dr. John Gottman's website, he is the author or co-author of 40 books, including:
- And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives [Crown Publishers, 2007]
- Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship [Crown Publishers, 2006]
- The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers [Crown Publishers, 2002]
- New York Times bestseller, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work [Three Rivers Press, 1999]
- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…and How You Can Make Yours Last [Simon & Schuster, 1994]
- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting [Simon and Schuster, 1998]
The Gottman Institute: Help for Marriage
Dr. Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman confounded the Gottman Institute. They present four couples workshops per year to help people with their marriages, called The Art and Science of Love. Dr. Gottman was recently voted one of the top ten most influential therapists in the past quarter-century by his peers who participated in a survey by The Psychotherapy Networker, a professional publication for therapists.
Gottman's Research Disproves Many Myths About Marriage
Gottman's research has exploded some common marriage myths. Here are some of John Gottman's marriage discoveries that are contrary to some common beliefs about marriage.
- Conflict resolution, which has long been the marital therapist's major tool, does not make happy marriages. Many happily married couples never resolve certain conflicts.
- Neuroses or personality problems do not necessarily ruin marriages.
- Common interests can't save marriages.
- Helping one's partner in return for the partner being helpful does not make for happy marriage.
- Avoiding conflict does not necessarily ruin a marriage.
- Affairs are not the root cause of divorce.
- Men are no less innately capable of marriage than women.
- Different needs, wants and communication styles between men and women are not what break up marriages.
Gottman discovered that resolving conflicts is not nearly as important as the way couples fight with each other and how they make up with each other. Divorce statistics in America are somewhat grim. But Dr. Gottman has developed a marriage therapy that seems to have a higher success rate than most others.
His extensive knowledge about happy marriage and a marriage's effect on children is available to the public in a format that is engaging, useful and practical. Those in the Seattle area can benefit from his programs. He has also trained thousands of therapists throughout the country. These are all very useful resources that are widely available and can greatly benefit married people everywhere.
Readers might also enjoy this Review of Dr. John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
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