You come to marriage with differing perspectives--perspectives you don't even know you have until a situation (or trash can) reveals them to you.
When Dale and I were newly married and it came time to gather the trash and put it out by the curb, nothing happened. We both politely waited for the other to collect the house trash and take it outside.
Our waiting turned to irritated puzzlement as the trash remained untouched even though both of us could see it needed to be gathered. The reason? Not laziness, nor some sort of power play or vying for control. It was as simple as this.
In Dale's home growing up, his mom was the one who took out the trash. So he assumed that I would gather the trash just like his mother. But when I was growing up, my dad was the one who collected the trash. So, I assumed that Dale would gather the trash just like my dad.
And so the trash sat, waiting, just like the rest of us.
We find that scenario incredibly funny now.
You come to marriage with differing perspectives--perspectives you don't even know you have until a situation (or trash can) reveals them to you. When you discover the differences you can decide that you will do things:
- A. the husband's way
- B. the wife's way
- C. a combination of the two ways
- D. a new way altogether
- E. agree to disagree--you each do the thing your own way when it is yours to do, and the other accepts it (although this wouldn't have helped our trash get outside).
How did we solve the trash problem? We both gathered the trash together. We shared the job. When our babies came along and I was more involved in their minute-by-minute care, Dale took out the trash. As the kids grew, we taught them to take out the trash. Then as Dale traveled more with his job, trash duty changed again. I take it out when he's gone. He takes over the job when he's home.
Sounds like a small thing. But communication and teamwork keep small things from becoming big things. And, they give you practice for the big things. What problems have you solved in your Daily Marriage?
