In the middle of his great book, MegaCreativity: Five Steps to Thinking Like a Genius, Andrei Aleinikov describes creative and destructive communication.
Understanding these terms can make a huge difference in our marriages.
According to Aleinikov, creative communication "creates positive feelings, ...understanding...rapport, ...and...the desire to communicate further." All characteristics of a good marriage.
On the other hand, destructive communication "destroys positive feelings and eliminates any desire to communicate further." Signs of a marriage in trouble.
Does your wife go suddenly silent when the two of you are conversing? Has your husband stopped sharing his thoughts with you like he used to? Perhaps the way you communicate is shutting the doors on growth in your marriage.
Just yesterday I made the mistake of telling someone "you already told me this," instead of listening to their story again for added information--and for the feelings that lay beneath their words. Sadly, my words ended the conversation.
Aleinikov says that openness and focused listening are key parts of creative communication. A closed mind and heart--and negative answers ("that's really stupid!")--stop conversation cold.
Practice focusing on your spouse when he or she is talking. Turn off the TV, computer, iPod, or anything else interfering with communication. The great things about these technologies is, they can wait! And you don't want to miss what is going on with the real-live human you are married to.
Artists create. Clods destroy. As marriage artists, our attention, interest, and nonjudgmental attitudes will communicate love to our spouses.
For more strategies that create communication, check out Aleinikov's book.
