How are you growing today?

Forget resolutions. It's goal-making, in both life and love, that gets you where you want to be.

One of the pleasures of adult life is the ability to take responsibility for our own growth--deciding where to grow in our lives, discovering what we need, and doing what it takes to get going.

I don't do New Year's resolutions for the simple reason that I make and remake goals for myself all year long. January, the beginning of the calendar year, has the same meaning for me as June, the beginning of summer, or July, the beginning of my writing year, or September, the beginning of the school year. All of these are natural times to reflect on two questions. Where am I at now? Where do I want to be?

That's all goals are about anyway--seeing where you want to be and planning simple, but clear steps on how to get there.

Goal-making is fun because it reminds us of all the exciting and interesting possibilities that are part of life.

Goal-making takes practice because it's easy to overplan or underplan our time and energy.

Goal-making shows us how we think. If we value excellence, developing the talents and abilities we have will be on our goal lists.

Along with all this goal-making, love can make some goals too. Ask yourself: How can I be the best husband I can be to my wife? What are three things I can do to move toward that goal? Or: How can I be the best wife I can be to my husband? What are three things I can do to move toward that goal?

Growth is one of the biological proofs that something is alive. Rocks don't grow. Plants do. So do you. So does your marriage. How would you like to grow today?

Do you feel like you are outgrowing your spouse? Read: Growing Faster Than Your Spouse: How much of a problem is this?