Surprising Poll Results

Readers' votes on who is responsible for happiness in marriage do not reflect impressions usually gleaned from the mass media.

I knew it was a tough question to ask, but you all surprised me.

This month the poll question was "Who is responsible for my happiness in marriage?"

The choices were

• I am
• My spouse is
• We both are responsible for different parts of it
• We both are responsible for all parts of it
• Chance and circumstances

As you can tell, three of the choices demonstrate personal responsibility, and two do not.

When marriages fall apart, the blame and "if onlys" fly thick and fast. Reasons are given, reasons that usually disavow any personal responsibility for what happened.

Many voices in our culture tell us that other people are supposed to make us happy, and if we're not, it's their fault. Like college students who fail tests and then blame the teacher instead of their own lack of study and effort.

Well, Suite readers, you have given me hope for marriage in the 21st century. Your votes were overwhelmingly for personal responsibility in marriage. You only differed on the how much and what part of it.

If you haven't voted yet, please do. Or at least check these interesting results. The poll will expire within one week.