You Just Don't Understand

An insightful book on the different communication styles of men and women.

Everyone who has ever desired to communicate better with the opposite sex--in marriage or out--will benefit from Deborah Tannen's classic book You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.

Tannen, a sociolinguist at Georgetown University, spent countless hours analyzing the dialogue patterns, nonverbals, and underlying meanings in the messages that women and men send in everyday conversation. She uncovered surprising differences between the genders in how they relate to themselves and to each other. Understanding these differences could help many a marriage run smoother.

For example, Tannen discovered that in almost every conversation, a woman's hidden message is, "Do you like me?" whereas a man's hidden message is, "Do you respect me?" Women often follow an overlapping style of conversation. Men would call that "interrupting." Women tend to value connection in conversation. Men tend to value independence.

This book is brilliant, insightful, and well-written. It offers many examples of dialogue that illustrate the frustrations men and women often have with each other. After reading this, you will never hear your spouse the same way again.